well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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