I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
