I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
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