It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
