So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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