Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just cut my nipple shaving
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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