So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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