Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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