My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
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