What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
