dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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