never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
