I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
