just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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