apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize