Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i think i scared a bird with my dick
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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