i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
