so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
