There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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