u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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