Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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