I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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