Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
