I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
