take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
