You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
