I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I don't deserve a penis
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
