Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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