here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
