You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i barfeds in our rink
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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