And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
