Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
