he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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