Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
