I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
