I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
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You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
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Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
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