I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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