The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
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The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
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Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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