somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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