I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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