Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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