I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
