in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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