and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
