Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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