we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
What happened to fro yo and sex?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
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