You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
