I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
