I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
