HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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