I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
