RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
