There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
