i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
