So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
