i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize