I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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