I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
