Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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