I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
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this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.