I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.