She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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