the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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