I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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