Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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