I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize