I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
