but the lizard people decide everything anyway
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
